I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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