it's like iHOP with fire
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize