Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
