YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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