If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
