Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
