if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
