You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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