mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
