I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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