i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
