he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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