I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
