Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
