o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish you could order shots online.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
