i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
