that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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