So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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