i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
