this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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