I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
