i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
