I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize