She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
