you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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