Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
