he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
