Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
