Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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