I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
