I wannas sexs uuuuu
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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