Tell her she can't have a vagina
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
