Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Acid is not a monday night drug
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
