so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
