I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
