White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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