I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
