he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
