She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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