There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
