Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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