so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
