drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
40s are totally the cure
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
