I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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