The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
