Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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