My first STD was from a foam party
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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