$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize