i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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