My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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