based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
