Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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