i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
