First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
