How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
