Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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