at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
