it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
