I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
