i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
