Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
