Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
