I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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