I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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