I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
