Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
