My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
