so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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